I can’t even begin to count how many lies I’ve told in my life. Most the the lies were to protect myself from ridicule from my peers, protect me from being taken out of my house by CPS, or just to prevent bringing shame to my family. Today, I want to clear the air and break free from the burden of these lies. Or at least one of them.
Let’s start with the biggest whopper of all: My Wedding.
No, I didn’t get married in May. I got married October 2, 2002. Very few people actually know the day that I was married. This is because I had to keep it a secret. Here’s the story of my wedding.
Before meeting Greg I was in a relationship with someone else. He was a great guy, but his mother was basically the anti-Christ reincarnated on earth. She was horribly abusive to me and to her son. I was renting a room in his parent’s house, and every day was a nightmare for me. My boyfriend never stuck up for me (or himself), and I knew that if my relationship continued, so would the abuse I’d have to put up with.
Then I met Greg, and I really felt like he saved me. He was everything I was looking for in a person: Canadian (I was homesick), kind, generous, and totally cute. However, there was a huge problem with Greg. I was raised Catholic, and he was raised Atheist. I had a deep connection with my spiritual self, and he had no idea that he even had a spirit, let alone knew how to connect with it. That didn’t matter to me though, because I recognized that he was on his own journey, and there was enough between us to foster what has become an incredible partnership.
After a couple years of dating and “living in sin” he proposed to me. It was mid-August. I told my parents, and started planning a May wedding. Soon into my wedding planning I started hearing from relatives about how my wedding “should” be. This person didn’t want to be seated next to that person, and don’t invite this person or that person… The bullshit started piling up quickly, and like the servant I was, I tried to be sensitive to the needs of everyone that would be celebrating my wedding. It all became overwhelming when I realized that my special day was more about what other people wanted and it didn’t include anything that I actually wanted.
…and like the universe always does, it dealt me two aces: Greg lost his job.
Because Greg was Canadian, he was in the country on a work Visa. Without a job, he didn’t have sponsorship, and thus, he couldn’t be in the country. So we did what any young couple in love would do. We got married.
It was a weekday afternoon in Leesburg, Virginia. We were outside in the courtyard. We were married by the Justice of Peace. Yep. We JOPed that! The only person in attendance was my sister Annie and the civil celebrant we had just contacted the night before. It was a perfect ceremony. No bullshit. No hateful family members freaking out about where to sit or what to eat. It was just us.
But my mom didn’t want me to tell anyone that I got married that day. First of all, we weren’t married in a catholic church, so that was a huge no-no. Second, it was on Aunt Carla’s birthday, and that’s also a big no-no because of the perpetual fights between my mom and aunt stemming from my sister’s adoption (that’s another long story). We kept it hushed to prevent embarrassing my mom, dressed up for pictures in May, and then just told people it was a private ceremony.
So yeah, as I’m getting ready to celebrate my (lucky number 13) wedding anniversary in a few weeks, I just wanted to put that out there. I’m not lying about my wedding date anymore. I’m going to celebrate openly because I’m proud of how I got married. Greg and I haven’t had the most perfect relationship over the last 15 years (we’re two imperfect people trying to evolve into better versions of ourselves), but we really are the best of friends. I’d do anything for this man because I love him like crazy, and I don’t think it was fair to him, me, or anyone else to lie about something as awesome as when or how we got married.
So there you have it. I’m sorry for lying to so many people about this. I was a 22 year old girl that was being unfairly manipulated, but now that I’m aware of what happened, I can break free from it. All of it.
You should try this sometime too. Give it up. Let it go. Don’t let the lies fester inside you. Don’t pretend. Just. Be. You.
With all my love,
The Guru Girl